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Assertiveness – An Introduction || SkillsYou Need

Assertive communication is a style of speaking that allows one to convey their demands and feelings in a straightforward but courteous way. Researchers have found that being assertive in communication leads to better results across the spectrum, from the academic achievement of elementary school students to the job satisfaction of experienced professionals. This blog post is to help you know more about assertive communication, how it differs from other communication styles, and how you may develop your own assertiveness. Continue reading to find out how speaking up politely can elevate your interpersonal and career interactions and help you accomplish your objectives. When we relate with people, we behave or communicate with them in three ways- Communication in the passive style reveals a lack of respect for one’s own demands and rights. The majority of passive people either don’t communicate wants at all, or they do so in a timid, apologetic way that makes them difficult to hear and dismiss. A subservient/passive individual may believe they have spoken clearly while in fact their message was completely misunderstood due to its ambiguity. However, the expression of feelings wants, and ideas in a hostile/arrogant/dominant manner is known as the aggressive mode. It is an “attack” or “move intended to cause harm.” The assertive form of communication enables a person to uphold their self-respect, express and pursue their wants clearly, protect their rights and personal space without dominating or abusing others, and keep their sense of self-respect. It validates one’s ability to exist in the world and express needs, wants, thoughts, and feelings. Let’s look at these three styles in detail- Understanding Passive style One upside of communicating in a passive manner is that it helps in avoiding conflict. The kind of conflict that can be extremely frightening to some people can be avoided, delayed, or at the very least hidden by saying ‘yes’. People are born assertive but are trained by their parents, elder siblings, teachers, and other adults to be passive/submissive/obedient. These are frequently complimented for their good behaviour; they are described as “kind,” “unselfish,” and “good sports.” “Nice” also carries a cost. People who are submissive comply with everyone’s preferences and demands rather than making their own decisions. Remember that every surrender is a repression of anger, and that anger eventually seeps into any affection that people may feel. Tragically, obedient people behave in this way in attempt to win someone’s love, but their very nature eventually leads to disagreement and separation. Understanding Aggressive Behaviour The person who is aggressive seeks to satisfy their desires, even at the expense of someone else. Three main ways that aggressive communication and behaviour pay off are that the aggressive person is more likely to meet their material demands, be able to defend their personal space, and appear to have control over both their own and other people’s lives. Aggression has a number of negative consequences as well. People that are violent are highly afraid; they act aggressively not because they feel powerful but rather because they feel vulnerable. Their propensity for making enemies ultimately leaves them more exposed and afraid. Aggressive persons frequently alienate others and are not well-liked or adored. The alienation is a very compelling motivation to address this problem. Understanding Passive-aggressive behaviour Individuals who communicate in a passive-aggressive manner frequently convey their ideas and emotions in a hazy or perplexing manner. These people may at first seem quiet, but they eventually respond angrily in indirect ways. People who use passive-aggressive communication styles may feel helpless, stuck, or resentful about their present situation, yet they may be unable to address it directly. Instead, they can use suppressed anger expressions to try to undermine the cause of their hatred. Outward collaboration and internal irritation and resentment are common characteristics of passive-aggressive behaviour. Understanding Assertive Behaviour The power to assert yourself is associated with higher self-esteem, and assertive people usually like themselves more than the other two categories. By making a person more at ease with themselves and hence more comfortable to be around, assertiveness typically promotes stronger relationships. Being assertive significantly lowers fear and anxiety, allowing people to discharge pleasant energy toward one another. Being aggressive increases a person’s chances of getting what they desire in life and from other people. Although being assertive doesn’t always ensure that you receive what you want or need, it’s still generally the best course of action. Does being assertive comes at a cost? Ofcourse, it does. Learning to be assertive requires work and can be challenging. It is difficult to change a regular communication style. Communicating your needs, wants, or feelings openly and honestly can be extremely unpleasant if it results in conflict or rejection. Being assertive is being prepared to take the chance of going through a fight in the hopes of creating a connection that is more genuine, satisfying, and intimate. It’s not an easy decision to decide to focus on being assertive. However, it is the only way to take control of one’s life and get out of a rut of compulsive tendencies picked up in unhealthy relationships. The ability to have and exercise choice, as well as learning to accept other people’s choices, are all skills that can be developed through assertiveness. Assertiveness for leaders: If I had to choose one skill for most leaders to work on, it would be assertiveness. Not because assertiveness is such a great quality in and of itself. Rather, because of its ability to accentuate a wide range of other leadership qualities. Every leader wants to be more self-assured, but very few know how to assert themselves. Being assertive lies somewhere between being passive and aggressive. You might come across as submissive if you don’t speak up when you have anything to say. And if you’re adamant about your point of view, you might appear unfriendly or, worse, a bully. You can express yourself without being passive or confrontational if you learn to be assertive, and you’ll have a better chance of receiving what you want. For all

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3-step formula to become an effective communicator

Business Emails, Business English, Communication, English language, Vocabulary / Archana Parmar

If you’re like most people who lack confidence to communicate, or the ones who don’t find suitable words to express themselves, then you’re always looking for a better way to conduct yourself. But it seems like a never ending practice. Good news: now you too can gain the confidence to communicate effectively by following a 3- step proven method below. These steps include: Step 1: Build your vocabulary – you need not learn the whole dictionary by heart, instead focus on topic specific vocabulary. Step 2: Polish your oral communication- identify the fears that stop you from performing well. Deal with them one by one. Step 3: Business Writing- what are the written tasks that you are supposed to perform on a daily basis? Let’s take a look at each of these steps in a little more detail… Step 1: Build your vocabularyThis first step is pretty simple. What you need to do is identify your routine job and make a list of tasks that you perform on a daily basis. For example, follow-up with your sales team. Now a lot of people tend to end up confused as to how to remember all the word. Usually you can avoid that by switching the most frequently words by their synonyms. For example, use essential instead of important. Once you’ve completed this first step, then move onto the next step… Step 2: Polish your oral communicationFor this step you’ll need to make a list of the activities that requires you to speak- presentations? daily meetings? . What you’ll do is structure your talks before hand by adding an introduction, body, supporting statement or example, and conclusion. Let me share with you three tips for making this step go more smoothly… Tip 1: [Introduction]. [Tell them what you are going to tell them] Tip 2: [Deliver]. [Tell them what you have to tell them along with some examples/anecdotes] Tip 3: [Conclusion]. [Tell them what you just told them by summarizing it] Once you’ve completed this step, then move onto the next one…Step 3: Business WritingFor this step, you need to identify different tasks that you are required to write. See if there is any pattern in them? Can these be templatized? One word of warning: people prefer a cut/copy paste approach for these things, remember- customization is the key in making an impact. ConclusionSo there you have it – a quick and easy 3-step process for becoming an effective communicator. Let’s recap the steps: Step 1: Build your vocabulary – you need not learn the whole dictionary by heart, instead focus on topic specific vocabulary.  Step 2: Polish your oral communication- identify the fears that stop you from performing well. Deal with them one by one.  Step 3: Business Writing- what are the written tasks that you are supposed to perform on a daily basis? Now there’s just one thing left for you to do – take action! So go ahead and give yourself the permission to be a better communicator. And do it today, because the sooner you get started, the sooner you’ll reach your destination. I’ve got your back. Write to me at archana@archanaparmar.com Order your copy of my book ‘Business English and Leadership Communication’ – kindle or paperback

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3 reasons you cannot speak fluent english

Business English, Communication, English language, Non-verbal, Presentations, Speaking Skills, Uncategorized / Archana Parmar

Speaking skills cover a wide range, from engaging in simple conversation to formal public speaking. It certainly plays a vital role in communication process. It is the most important type from the types of linguistic activities. Developing speaking skills help in creating an effective connection among the individuals’ network. Yeah! I am getting overtly expressive with the importance of speaking skills. Now some technical part, speaking is a complicated mental process and a productive skill. Producing speech is not a single skill, rather speaking is an interactive process of constructing meaning that involves producing, receiving and processing information. Effective Speaking includes two categories; accuracy and fluency. This means that developing speaking skill involves the correct use of vocabulary, grammar, pronunciation and having the ability to speak spontaneously. Doing all of this at the same time brings in the ‘unwanted guest’ here: ANXIETY. Speaking is affected by these variables; therefore, foreign language speaking anxiety is one of the most prominent factors that has a negative influence on the oral performance of speakers of other language learning English whether as a second language or a foreign Language. Anxiety is a negative way to present human feelings. When we are anxious we feel nervous, worried and fearful. It is usually associated with unpleasant feeling and is similar to fear. Anxiety in communicating in a second language, especially when that language is English can have an adverse effect and can influence the speakers’ targeted goals. There can be different reasons behind these anxiety attacks: Lack of preparation Feeling of covering too many points in a short period of time Fear of being judged by the audience Now that we know the problem, let’s have a look at the solutions to cure these problems. Identify your fears: you can’t work on improving yourself until you identify the problems. Introspection is the key here. Accept the problems and share your feelings with others or write them down- read aloud for as long as you are unaffected by how it sounds. Mistakes are the best way to learn so that we are less likely to keep making them. The most important step is to keep practicing. Always remember you are learning to master a second or may be a third language while many native speakers do not even speak a second language. Schedule a free 30 minutes session with me to understand how you can overcome this anxiety. Or write to me at archana@archanaparmar.com

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7 steps to better Email Writingbuei

2 Comments / Business Emails, Business English, Communication, Vocabulary, Writing Skills / Archana Parmar

Professional emails are an important part of Business Writing. Nowadays, there are very few jobs that do not involve the daily use of emails, and due to the pandemic and remote working concept the adoption of lean media conversation is of unparalleled significance. We all know that the medium of communication in the business world is mostly English, also known as Business English. Emails have become an inseparable part of our business communication. Whether we are at office, co-workspace, or working from home, one thing that we keep checking/sending/responding to, is email. Email is incredibly important in the Business Communication. In order to make your emails communicate well, you must write them effectively. Business emails tend to serve two purposes: a. Giving information b. Asking for information. To make sure your emails do justice to these two purposes, follow the 7 steps to effective business email. Always start your email with a greeting (being polite is important in business). Tell the recipient who you are (state your name and how you would like to be recognized as). Clearly state the purpose of email (clear sentence to the point). Provide essential details (mention the attachments as well). Do state what action is needed. Close the email with suitable sign-offs Don’t forget to end with your signature. When the main purpose of your email is to communicate a problem and your proposed way to resolve it, you can follow the SCRAP structure. Situation: Start positively, explain the situation and your purpose for the email Complication: explain clearly the problem Resolution: explain your proposed solution to the problem Action: clearly state what you would like to happen next, the actions for the recipient and for you Politeness: includes thanking or praising the recipient. Write Better! Drop your email address here or drop me a message at archana@archanaparmar.com to join my free email writing course to learn more about writing better emails.

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Are you sabotaging your professional communication with these mistakes?

Communication, English language, Presentations, Speaking Skills, Uncategorized / Archana Parmar

Most of us are English-medium pass-outs, yet we mumble-fumble when it comes to express ourselves in English language. Ever thought of it? Most of the non-native speakers have learnt or studied the English language as a subject and not as a life skill, this contributes to the incompetency or the lack of confidence while communicating in English language and this very lack of confidence affects not just our job performance but also our capabilities as a professional (we all are afraid of being wrong/being judged/made fun of). To a great extent it hampers our growth as an individual. Different people have different problems, to some it is just about not getting the appropriate vocabulary, some find the words stuck in their throat, others doubt their usage of the correct tense, and then there are some who unconsciously use fillers. Fillers, most commonly seen, add to the break in your speech. They serve no purpose, fillers are better labeled as empty pauses. If you use- ‘ummmm, uhhhh, well, you know, ahaa,’ frequently… you know what I mean. Most of the times, the speaker doesn’t even realize that he/she is using these fillers. These empty pauses become a habit. This habit broadcasts insecurity and stifle effective communication. Fortunately, language problems are easy to identify and fix. All you need to do is start talking consciously. Talk slow- consciously- notice in what situations you take these fillers. Whenever you are on the verge of using any filler- You take a pause. Confident speakers pause, pausing as the punctuation of speech, a period is a pause when you’re reading, so are the colons, and the commas. PS: an easy method to get rid of these empty fillers is to record yourself and listen to it. Most commonly used fillers are: ah, um, actually, literally, I mean, like, you know, only, etc. Drop me line here or shoot an email at archana@archanaparmar.com if you want to know more about the tips and tools to become a confident speaker.

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Impromptu Speaking- a skill to learn

35 Comments / Communication, English language, Presentations, Speaking Skills, Uncategorized / Archana Parmar

What is impromptu speaking? Impromptu speaking is giving an unprepared talk. The typical characteristic of this form of speech is the unprepared delivery and the suddenness with which a person is confronted with a speech situation. Impromptu speaking is often conducted at those times when a person is called upon without warning ―to say a few words mostly at social/professional gatherings. Many people assume that impromptu speaking is easy. In reality impromptu speaking is extremely difficult. There are methods, however, if used properly, will enable a person to perform acceptably on the spur of the moment. The thought of public speaking intimidates many people. This fear can be reduced to a good extent when there is time to prepare and practice before getting up in front of an audience. What happens, though, when there is not time to prepare? When you are asked to speak without notice? This can make the most confident presenters nervous. The key to success in these situations is to have strategies you can use to compose your thoughts quickly and communicate the message clearly. Becoming skilled at impromptu speaking can give you the self-confidence you need to give a last-minute presentation, sail through a challenging meeting, or convince others of your ideas. You can build your personal brand when you learn to speak effectively under pressure. It can also equip you with the techniques to conduct a successful question and answer session or make important connections at a networking event. By developing this skill, you can learn to speak with eloquence, humor and confidence, and you’ll ensure that you can communicate your messages clearly. This can be very advantageous as you pursue future leadership roles in near future. The easiest way to prepare for impromptu situations is to anticipate. Anticipating situations where you may be asked to speak unexpectedly. However, it certainly is not practically possible to anticipate every possible situation in your personal as well as professional life, so having a couple strategies to deal with those unexpected situations or to be able to handle those situations effectively, it is better to anticipate, prepare and practice for an unforeseen opportunity to speak. While preparing for these impromptu conversations, consider the two most common scenarios that people face: Being asked to share your thoughts, answer some questions Give an update, on a project/filling in for someone, without being told ahead of time. How would you feel if you face either of these situations? How do you deal these? What do you do? What do you say? How do you say it? What if you can’t think of anything worthwhile to say? ***** Let’s take you through this, for that, start with brainstorming… You may have many ideas, thoughts, expressions, fears, anxiety and opinions running through your mind when you are chosen to speak in front of a group. The first thing you must must and must do is to calm yourself down in order to convey your thoughts in a coherence and cohesion. Take a deep breath or two. That should always be the first thing to do. A common mistake most people make is that they start speaking before they have gathered their thoughts. Give yourself enough time absorb and observe the question or topic you are supposed to talk about. These deep breaths are strategically put to help you collect yourself and your ideas. It slows you down, relaxes you, and makes you appear more in control of the situation. As a personal brand you don’t want to project yourself as overtly anxious/nervous/perplexed. In this short time span, or this window of opportunity, try to interpret what is being asked in the question or request and why you? Repeat the question yourself before answering or better if you can rephrase the question or changing it slightly into what you want to answer. Ask for clarification if you have not understood the question, it will help you be more specific about the answer. At this point you may even ask the speaker to explain it in simpler words. Deal with one aspect/one point of view/ one topic and one supporting piece of information at a time. Remember: This technique gives you focus and allows you to answer accurately and with conviction. Say it clearly. Do remember: the way you say something is almost as important as what you say. Speak in a confident voice (not just a loud voice!) Use pauses strategically to emphasize a point Avoid sounding monotonous Maintain the eye contact with your audience When you convert your thoughts into coherent speech you are making a conscious effort of making yourself heard. You come across as being confident, persuasive and trustworthy. So by now, you might have had a fairly good idea how to handle situations where you are asked to respond to a question/situation extempore. Moving on to the situation where you are being asked to deliver an extempore speech. It is indeed difficult to prepare for an unknown topic, but you can prepare a method to deal with such encounters. One system of doing this is to have in mind various orders by which to develop your ideas. For example, you are asked to talk about ‘Family’. Here, you can talk about the this term indifferent contexts- family as social unit, your family members, values, importance of having a family, structure of family (joint/nuclear), extended family, professional family- your organization/department/unit. In addition to all these, you may also talk about things like: Why is this topic important to your audience? Give a back-story of the importance and relevance of having a family. What are the overall effects of your topic (such as,________) on your audience, the state, the nation, the world? What are the effects geographically? What are the effects politically? What are the effects economically? What are the effects socially? What are the effects religiously? What are the effects educationally? What are the effects morally? What are the effects agriculturally? What are the effects emotionally and

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How to use dictionary and make friends with words

14 Comments / Communication, English language, Vocabulary / Archana Parmar

Making friends with words! Since a language is made up of thousands of individual words, it must be important to know about those words, and know in detail. The moment we meet a new word (it’s meaning), we think of a dictionary. Dictionary is not just a guide full of words with their meanings. – A reference book on a particular subject, the items of which are typically arranged in alphabetical order. -a similar book giving equivalent words in two languages -a work of informative character arranged alphabetically That’s what we all believe it to be. Well it is more than that, much more than that. A dictionary is one of the most effective, easily available, and reliable teaching aid in a language classroom. It helps us to learn about words- In addition to these, dictionaries also provide the details about the origin or roots of words and examples of using the words. The guide words – words given at the top of each page. The first guide word is the first word on a page and the guide word at the top of the page is the last word on the page. Using the guide words, you should find the word you are looking for easily. It will be between those words. To be a good dictionary user, however, it is not enough to know what to use the dictionary for. You must also decide which is the best dictionary for any of the purposes mentioned above. As well as, you need to be able to find what you are looking for quickly; you need to be sure that you have found what you were looking for; and, most importantly, you need to know when to use your dictionary. If you look up every new word you see or hear, you will spend your whole day with the dictionary in your hand. You have to be clever and choose the right words to check and the right time to do it. The following advice can be followed to check when to use the dictionary. When you find a new word while reading, finish the sentence (better: the paragraph). If you haven’t guessed the meaning and it still seems important, then you can look it up. When you hear a new word, wait and continue listening. What the speaker says next may help you to understand the word. If you look in your dictionary at the very moment, you will not hear what comes next, and this will make understanding the context more and more difficult. If you think the word is very important, you could note it down or write how you think it is spelled. Then later you could ask the speaker or look up in the dictionary to see what it means. Meeting someone and knowing the words they spoke and their meanings are seldom enough, when communication skills are the most sought after skills in today’s world, depth and interaction are necessary if the meeting is to be meaningful. That’s where our word bank (vocabulary) comes into play. Use dictionary as a medium for knowing the words and remember that words are not learnt mechanically, but associatively. Dictionaries are readily available, flexible, and inexpensive, also UNDER-USED. We expand our understanding of the word meanings by interchanging and sharing them with others. Learning words is a relational process. Would you interested in learning more about vocabulary building? Drop me a line at archana@archanaparmar.com or leave a comment.

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How to Know if You Are an effective Communicator

16 Comments / Communication / Archana Parmar

All the great communicators, that the world has seen so far, have one thing in common, that they choose their words well, understand their audience, and connect with them at the right time and the right place. The introduction here itself expounds that the communication is never about you. And it should never be about you. Effective communication is a non-negotiable aspect of any business communication. We communicate to connect, we connect in order to move, move the other person to see things from our perspective and vice-versa. We want to move people to sell – our products, services, or even our ideas. To communicate effectively, it is essential to communicate clearly. Studies have indicated that it is likely that the audience will fail to absorb as much as you expect them to. Human beings perceive things differently; my definition of success may not be the same for you, but acknowledging this difference plays a crucial role in giving the positive direction to your discourse. “One person’s idea of “large” may be different from another. By using clarifying questions or even an analogy you can pinpoint (e.g. “Do you mean large like an elephant or like a large FedEx envelope?”), you’ll know everyone is envisioning the same end goal.”–Kim Kaupe, ZinePak In certain situations, it becomes all the more important to communicate not just using the verbal cues, but physical cues as well. Next comes, the communication that your body language makes. To communicate clearly and confidently, adopt a proper posture. It is advised to fill up the space you are given, maintain eye contact and (if appropriate) move around the space. Nothing can beat the connection that you make with your eye-contact, avoid wasting such opportunities by hiding behind the slides/presentations. Steve Jobs instituted a rule at Apple banned the use of presentations. Similarly, Facebook instituted a PowerPoint ban. Both leaders realized that PowerPoint presentations can obstruct rather than support communication. Tips for effective communication: Be prepared to use verbal as well as nonverbal cues to communicate your point with the audience. Avoid using visual aids unless absolutely necessary. Brain storming your audience is an effective way to engage with your audience – in between sharing your ideas, you may ask hypothetical questions to get your audience thinking. Ask for a feedback- no communication is complete if there is no feedback or acknowledgement from both sides. Avoid slouching, folding your arms or making yourself appear smaller than you are. Time-management, here it is not just about the duration (how long to communicate) but also knowing about when to communicate, be aware of your audience’s mind-set. Timing is a big factor in successful communication. Listen more than you talk. Always remember, the most important person in any scene/situation is not you, actually, it is never about you, it should never be about you. To communicate effectively, first listen to what others have to say. Then you can provide a thoughtful answer that shows you have taken those ideas into consideration. Communicating clearly is one of the most effective and productive skills you can cultivate as a business professional. Always try to communicate using verbal as well as non-verbal cues. Listen carefully to what others have to say, and pay attention to their body-language as well. Remember, communicating effectively is an art that can be learned, practiced, and polished at any stage of your life. What has been stopping you so far?

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